Or Dead

"Well, at least I'm not this bad or that bad or dead," I say.



Everyone has their own level of problems.



Is it stranger that I just grieve what's in my mind, in my memory?
Nothing new.



I don't need anything new to get over.



I've had enough.

Or Current Resident

It is hard to declare that somethings that mattered to me for what seems like forever doesn't matter any more.  But it has to be declared or I will circle back around.

My throat closes up.  Everything blurs.  My tears bathe my cheeks warm and comforting.  I've still got it.  I've cried a river.  Mark that off.  I'm almost afraid of the time when I won't cry.  What will I feel then?  Indifference?

I wasn't the one.  It didn't work.  Thank you and goodbye.

My Ship

I feel like I am floating in space with nothing around me.  No sound.  No senses.  Just nothing.

Just one foot in front of the other.
Just keep swimming.
Just until you find a better job.
Just until your birthday.

My ship has abandoned me out here.  I have no home.

Dead Dogs

Saw a little dog with an obviously broken foot in the street yesterday.  It reminded me of Bugs.  My sweet little girl.  I want to think that she died quick.  I'm just going to think that.  

I was having a string of short dreams last night that carried into the morning.  The last one was the worst.  It's hard to explain and somewhat hard to admit, but I know it just came out of my synapses.  It had to do with Jim and him saying things that aren't true anymore.  Even in the dream I seemed like I didn't believe what he was saying.  And of course that was the last dream I had before I woke up.  

Then I saw two dead dogs on the side of the road on my way to work.  

Not Invisible

I'm swimming in the shallow end of the pool.  The kiddie pool.  The wading pool.  I don't do deep.  I don't do remember.  Except late at night before I can stop myself and redirect.  I think of other things that need thinking about or I don't think at all.  I just go from one thing to the next.

I wanna thank my friends and family for being there when I need you.  I guess asking for help does work.  I guess I'm not alone.

Thank you, Mr. Police Officer, for showing me that I'm not invisible.