Paranoid

So...I got robbed.  My house got robbed while Miranda (my roommate and friend) and I were out.
This happened on the 14th of August, probably right after we left at 4pm to go swimming at my parent's house.  When we came home I noticed there wasn't any resistance when I turned the key to unlock the front door.  We walked in and saw that the 55 inch TV wasn't on the wall where it normally was.  I "mom stopped" Miranda and we listened to see if they were still in the house.  We didn't want to chance it so we went back outside and called 911.

The 911 operator threw me off because she said she'd call me when an officer was on the way.  I had to clarify that the police weren't coming right then, at that moment.  I asked her what we should do.  Should we go in or stay outside?  What if they are still in there?  She told me to do whatever I felt comfortable with.  Huh?  Quoting Miranda, "What does that mean?"

So we went in the garage and I got my pepper spray and Miranda got a mallet and we decided to clear the house ourselves.  We burst through the front door and Miranda yells, "If anyone's still in here I'm going to fucking shoot you!"  Turns out they were gone.

It's hard to describe how I felt going through my house and seeing the utter disrespect for my belongings strewn about all over the ground.  My mattress was moved, my underware drawer gone through.  Everything was touched or pulled down and looked at for it's monetary value.  They took all the electronics.  TV's, laptops, cameras, my mouse, my ipod, my flip camcorder, etc.  The only non-electronic stuff they took were two Buddha shaped piggy banks (assholes), Miranda's laptop bag, and one, just one of my pillow cases, probably to carry stuff in.  I really liked that pillow case.  It was part of a new set.

There was a lot of crying and shaking and hugging at first, and then I said,"We need to make a list."  Mom came over and Jeremy came over with a baseball bat and a massive Mag light.  Paul, the officer who took our initial report showed up.  I told him I suspected my neighbor, whom I hate and he hates me.  Paul said he wasn't going over there because he didn't carry a gun.  Mom helped us calm down and form an action plan.  After Mom left we all stayed up until 4am because we were so jittery.  I had to sleep with the light on.  I felt like someone was going to come through the window any second.

Intellectually, you know that they're gone, they're not in your house any more, they got what they wanted.  Emotionally, all you feel is unsafe and violated and discombobulated.  I could picture them running around my house, grabbing things, looking through things, being jacked up on the adrenalin of what they were doing.  It's like there was residual energy that we could feel. 

I felt lucky.  We didn't walk in on this happening and they didn't take my external hard drive.  I keep all my pictures, music, videos, ebooks, and movies on my external.  My life is on that external, and they didn't take it.  I just looked at it fondly, happy it's in front of me.  My big, cool, Nikon is gone but I can get another one just like it.  Same goes with the TV.  I didn't want that TV in the first place.

The next morning Miranda comes out talking to someone "important" on her phone.  She sounds excited and keeps saying, "Yes, that's mine!"  A probation officer had been doing a spot check on a house in our neighborhood and noticed that a juvenile had an Apple Macbook.  She didn't believe he'd bought it so she took it from him and saw that it was registered to some white girl named Miranda.  So yay, Miranda got her laptop back.  The only thing they recovered was one of my Buddha piggy banks.  The PO, Diane, went back with the police and they arrested three juveniles who, I guess, imediately rolled on each other and admitted to selling the TV's already and stealing our stuff.  There were a total of five males involved in our home invasion.

The Detective working on our case is mildly excited because they have people in custody and the DA is going to press charges against them.  Normally, burglary cases have no leads, nothing is recovered and the cases are just closed with a ,"Sorry."

It's upsetting how much more paranoid I am now.  I am scared to be in my house alone.  I'm just scared in general.  It's hard to look at this experience in any kind of positive light.  I don't see light in many places anymore.  It's like there's a fog around me right now.  I can't find my way out.