Last

On the unwanted homestretch.  Last weekend with the dogs.  Last time we will be anything close to what we were.  This is killing me.

Closer

The closer it gets to him leaving with the dogs, the more panicked I get.  What am I going to do with myself?  Who am I going to go to?  What am I going to do?

Leaving

This is the weirdest, most horrible breakup I've had.  He's leaving very soon.  The dogs are going with him.  This house is going to be very, very quiet.

Remember

I don't really remember what it was like before we were together.  I only know I've been through it before and came out the other side stronger and more confident in who I am.  I just need to focus on myself and what I have control over.  I don't know how long it will take me to forget what it's like to be with him.

Big

Well, this one's going to be rough.  An almost 7 year relationship crumbled yesterday under my feet.  I said I wanted to end up somewhere interesting when I started this blog.  This wasn't really what I had in mind.
Big pain.  Big fear.  Big grief.  Big worries.  Big tears.


This hurts.

Household Thoughts

That's one of our new throw pillows.  We got them at Ikea.

That's one of our sheer curtains we got at Bed Bath and Beyond.  They're getting a little grody.

I don't know why I can't keep them clean.  

I'm thinking about having our couches professionally cleaned, too.  We'll see.

Much Love

I've Always Wanted To Be

I've always enjoyed walking/running on treadmills.  When my family joined a gym when I was in high school, the treadmill was my favorite.  The bad part was that you could only stay on it for 20 minutes at a time or else you'd have someone breathing down your neck until you got off.  Then when I moved into my first apartment they had a little gym with some treadmills.  It was such a relaxing thing.  I could go by myself or with my man and just stay on that treadmill until I got tired.  Now, I've never been a runner, but I've always wanted to be.  So.....

My New Friend

That's right.  At home treadmill!  I pretty much had to beg Jim to buy it.  We're really trying to cut back on our spending and a $600 treadmill isn't really a small purchase.  He finally agreed when I promised to use it everyday and to stay strictly to our budget for a while.  I squeeeeed with joy when I showed up at the house.  I personally put it together.  I can watch whatever I want on TV, listen to music on it; it's great.  I've been on it almost every day since it came in the beginning of January.  Here's a little proof. 

Wickett doing a butt twirl with me in the background

Then I get an email from my sister, Kara.  She asks if I need outside motivation to exercise.  A 5K run/walk (but I only think of it as a run).  She's running in it, do I want to run with her?  What it boils down to is that it's a goal.  I haven't had a concrete goal in a while.  I've never run in any race.  I think the last time I was entered in a race was in elementary school and I stayed home from school that day because I was "sick."  

I said, "Yes, I will run with you."  

Baby steps for me.  I'm three training runs in and I'm pretty positive I can accomplish this goal.  Who knows what I could get done after this.

Much Run/Walking