Not Enough

I hated this year.  This year, this year needs to end.  It needs to die.  Words fly around in my brain like a bird that can't find a way out.  All I feel is sad, sad, sad.

Slow starter, self-sabotage-er, anti-social old woman.

I don't know what will happen.  I don't know anything anymore.  I can't bring myself to say anything positive and that's disconcerting me.  Everything sounds so stupid and cliche and not enough.

I need to pull myself out of this hole.  It's just hard when you can't see a way out.

Easy

It's easy to stay single when you don't go anywhere or talk to anyone.

Thanks

Sadie loves the Ranger

Kara had a lot of funny faces to share.  That's the face Owen does sometimes.

Dog

Dad

Everything was on fire.

Look at her.  She's an angel.

Oh no, a bear!!

Ahh!!!

Ah, another bear!

Ah, a kitten?!!

Go home Lohan, you're drunk!

Mark won for Best Behaved.

Rock Steady

Duo

"He can't keep a straight face when I do this." --Donna

Favorite Picture for some reason

Mark is a beard and hair model.  A bear model.  A bear.  A lumberjack. Etc.

Focused

Most Times

Sometimes I have such hope for my life.  I see the possibility everywhere.

But most times, I have trouble seeing the point.

My hope gets lost quite easily.

Fear

Overall, I have a lack of emotion.  Moreover, I believe I am stopping said emotion from materializing because of fear.

The fear of pain.

Eight months of varying levels of emotional pain.  When a memory or an errant thought becomes whole I seem to duck them like fastballs aimed at my head (or more saccharin, my heart).  I have come to that part.  Not yet indifferent but no longer invested in anything.

I find my ability to feel sorry for myself edging toward infinite.



"It has been said that time heals all wounds, I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but is never gone." 
--Rose Kennedy

Honesty

Honesty is...we weren't meant for each other.  I knew that the whole time.  Right?

It's True

My back aches and I can't make a fist.  Sledgehammers are heavy.

I feel like a single cell organism.  Put your head down and work.

I told her I've forgotten how to have fun.  I truly have.  Saying it as a joke but realizing it's true.  Fun is good.  Fun is nice but...there's always a but in my way.

Reading is fun.  I read.  Reading is sexy.  

The rain is nice.  It's been a while since I've stood in the rain.  So fresh and so clean.