Twenties

So Biggest Loser is over.  Olivia won.  She started out at 264 lbs. and she lost like, 49.32% of her body weight.  She weighs 135 now.  It was over 8 months, but still.  I stopped eating ice cream during the show a while ago but somehow, I don't think that's enough for me to lose weight.

I went shopping today.  We're going to a party tonight and Jim is playing some songs and I felt the need to buy something new so I would look good so I could feel good and not worry about how bad I looked all night.  I always feel more confident when I'm comfortable in my clothes and know I look okay.

Being overweight is not fun.  It's not fun to shop.  But I knew that going in, so when I tried on something that didn't fit, or looked gross, I just said to myself, "Just keep looking and trying different stuff on and you'll find something."  I have learned over the years that it just takes a while.  But I went with the cliche and got the long black dress that helps hide my belly, but I'm brightening it up with a bright green scarf.  It felt good on me and didn't look horrible, so yay.

Skinny Me in 2007

2007 was a good year for me body image wise because Jim and I had broken up and I was mad and all I did was workout and smoke cigarettes.  So I got super skinny.  I'm probably 145 lbs in that picture.  I loved being that small.  I loved wearing a Medium instead of a Large.  I felt pretty and guys hit on me more than I'd ever been hit on before.  But after that year, the focus on my health has slowly gone down hill.

I'm at about 230 lbs. right now and have never felt worse.  I've been overweight for most of my twenties and want that to change in a major way.  I'll be 29 this year.  One more year and then my thirties will be upon me.  I don't want to go through the rest of my life depressed and no fun to be around because of my weight.  So I'm going to promise myself something.  I'm going to promise myself that my thirties will be fun and sexy and happy and adventurous.  I also promise that I will never call it "My Weight loss Journey."  I try to never say the word "journey" because it is over used when in conjunction to the words "weight loss."

This will be different for me.  I've tried so many times to get healthy and stalled.  The one time I was "skinny" I was smoking a pack a day, so no, that wasn't healthy.  So maybe not since high school when I was on the volleyball team - in freshman year.  That was 1996.

I want to get to 140 lbs. and maintain it throughout my thirties.  That's a total loss of 90 lbs.  Jeez, that sounds like a lot.  Wish me luck.

Much Determination